You were not in love; You were just in love with the idea of love.

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord (Ephesians 5:22).

I was so in cloud nine I forgot I was only his girlfriend back then. I was extremely excited about him, about us, just the two of us until the end that my world revolved around him. He is my first love, after all. For three years and eight months, I forgot who I was. I lost myself in the process of loving him.

I let go of my dream of becoming a volunteer. I set aside my passion to serve. I let him decide for me, for what he thought was best for me, for what he wanted me to be – all because I believed in his love for me.

He told me he wasn’t comfortable with some area of my then beginning Christian faith. For some reason I stopped attending Church and did not pursue discipleship meetings. I focused on him, on what made him comfortable, on what made him felt loved.

We were inseparable. We were so much in love we were both willing to compromise for the sake of our relationship. But life happened. 

One day I felt like he was starting to get so distant and focused on other things. He started living for his dreams and reaching for his goals. I was set aside. I hungered for his attention I wanted diversion. Seriously, I felt lifeless. For the first time I felt like I had to fight for a spot in someone else’s life. I couldn’t bear the crushing pain I had to find a way out… and I did. But it hurt even more for he didn’t do anything to chase me and win me back. I made him felt extremely complacent that because I loved him so much, I’ll go back to him (what another ton of heartache).

Months later I found myself doing what I have always wanted to do – VOLUNTEERISM; and more importantly, I am back in the arms of the One who truly loves me more than any person in this world – my Father in Heaven.

I realized that the Lord will do anything just to redeem His child. Because I gave away so much love to someone else, I wasn’t able to leave some for myself. Desperate as I was in moving on, I dated again despite brokenness. Amazingly I was led to Church. And the next thing I knew, all I want now is to grow in God’s love. If before I let other people rule over me, this time I want it to be the Lord. Because just as He promised me in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future,” I put my trust in Him.

I still have so much more to learn as I continue my walk with God and I need to get myself together in this journey. So I will surrender myself to Him and let Him transform me into the woman He desires me to be. And if you are reading this,

  • I pray that you are able to do the things you love the most.
  • I pray that you give yourself the love that you deserve.
  • I pray that you live your life to the fullest.
  • And I pray that you become a channel of blessings to others – that through you, the name of the Lord will be glorified.
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