Clinging to her last Hope to change for the better

You are not defined by your mistakes. You are defined by God. He loves you no matter what (Romans 8:38).

I wonder where that child had gone to – that ever cheerful and full of positive vibe kind of girl.
That child who was her playmates’ favorite.
That child whose birthdays, despite her having no money to spend, were celebrated by her friends with her.
That child who used to come first to the mind of the people surrounding her.
That child who had her classmates always looking up to her and choosing her to lead them.
That child whom almost everyone in the room was pleased to share space and time with.

Yes. She was once so friendly, and she used to be a leader.
But power, at a young age, ruined her. She experienced it herself how to be powerful.
She earned her authority over the people who chose her to represent them.
She enjoyed the lime light – the attention being given to her.
She was ecstatic over the thought of always being listened to and obeyed.
She became what she never wanted to become – a ruler and not a leader.

She received orders and implemented them strictly until one day, one by one,
her friends started avoiding and hating her for being unjustly just to them.
She had her failures. And the very people who used to celebrate over her academic and athletic triumphs celebrated her defeat.
She realized how cruel the world can become even in childhood days when young minds are supposed to just enjoy life.
But eventually, she recovered. She re-gained her friends until this very day of her existence.
She was proven that it was all because of the circumstance that things happened, not that because she was a bad girl.

However, she turned to a fearful one.
Having experienced losing a lot of trusted people, she became overly possessive to her new found friends during her early adolescence.
She locked them in her covers. She was jealous, she didn’t let anyone to just penetrate her peers.
She was hated. The then few she trusted walked out on her. They talked behind her back. They laughed at her. They planned against her.
She lost her pride – she bent down to them and asked for forgiveness and cried for reconciliation.
She felt so bad about herself once again that finally she decided to leave and start anew.

She became silent. She wanted to be someone agreeable.
She learned to see in someone else’s point of view, to forget about herself to prioritize the other.
She became passive, but she sees nothing wrong in that simply because she still does what she thinks is right.
She learned the art of detachment, and she is now very well accustomed to solitude.
She became a more private and reserved person to those she doesn’t have deep emotional connections with.
She learned to choose her friends selectively, but still occasionally talks to people who are being silenced and isolated.

I am glad that the lost child is currently being revived into someone better – becoming cheerful as ever and doing her best to emit good vibes.
That child doesn’t care anymore about being the favorite so long as she ensures the enjoyment of the random kids she meets during her voluntourism.
That child doesn’t just celebrate birthdays but life itself.
That child finds it an honor coming first to the mind of her friends and colleagues who are in need.
That child has her workmates, despite making fun of bullying her, still believing in her leadership.
That child cares no more about pleasing everyone but only those who see value in her – her friends, her family, her JESUS.

Behind her laughters were tears knowing how bad she used to be as a child, as an adolescent, as an adult.
Many times she almost gave up on herself – will she ever change? will she ever be good enough again?
She made a lot of mistakes and did so many sins. She didn’t want to settle with her old self but she was helpless, there was nothing she can do.
But as they say, “All the time, God is good.” Jesus rescued her. In her most unexpected day, she was saved.
Truth is, only her Saviour and Lord can help her change her heart.
For all that was impossible for her to do alone, she is assured possible through Christ.

And so to close this:
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me – put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you (Philippians 4:8,9).

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